Short and Stupid: Another Aleatory List

1. Yesterday morning, I lifted my cat off her perch to put her in the car, and one of her claws got caught. No real drama; she came quietly, though she doesn’t really like the car very much. But once we got in, she sat on the front seat and began biting her left paw. I watched until she hooked one of her claws in her teeth, and yanked it off. It was simultaneously fascinating and gross.

2. It occurred to me today that my cat is familiar with three places: the first is my apartment in Portland, and the second is the place in Bend that I own with my brothers to and take her to a lot. The third is the car. But she has no real idea what the car does, does she? All she knows is that every now and again we go and sit in a shaky box for a few hours, and when we get out, we’re at a different home than before. She probably has no idea why I won’t let her get out of the box for a long time, and then suddenly I will. It must be very confusing to be a cat.

3. I was out running today — wait. No, I had run about 500 feet today and my foot started hurting so I decided to stop and walk the rest of the 3 miles. Normally I would be disappointed in myself, but right now this feels like the best decision of my life. After running 29 miles last week, and spending my off days loading a U-Haul, I think my body may have been on the verge of a breakdown.

4. There is a certain class of person who bitches about how hard to drive it is in Portland. Often I find that these people have either never driven anywhere else, or only driven in smaller towns. Yes, driving sucks in Portland, but this isn’t Portland’s fault, it’s driving’s fault. There are idiots everywhere. There’s shitty traffic everywhere. There are potholes everywhere. It’s like people are afraid to admit that they just hate driving. Admit it, people! It doesn’t make you un-American. It just makes you human.

5. Today I learned that a guy I know has a cat named Brian Downing Kaat. Baseball people will understand why this is funny.

6. Baseball-related names I might give a cat: King Felix; Papi; Andres Galarraga (known as The Big Cat in his playing days); Scratchiro!; Jim “Catfish” Hunter; Catalanotto; Johnny Mize (also known as The Big Cat).

7. Baseball-related names I have given pets in the past: Nomar (cat), Kirk Gibson (dog), Edgar Martinez (goldfish).

8. Cute names for pairs of pets: Arthur Dent and Ford Prefect; Butch & Sundance; Walter and Jesse; Hammer and Horrible; Leslie and Ann; Mick and Keith; Thing 1 and Thing 2; Barack and Hillary.

9. Literary names I have given cats: Phoebe (Catcher in the Rye), Hana (In the Skin of a Lion).

10. Historical names I have given cats: Oliver Cromwell; King Charles II.

11. The one name I would like to give a cat some day, if said cat lives up to it: Stately, Plump Buck Mulligan.